It’s been far too long since my last post. The boy I mentioned is now home… And with me. Patience pays off! He’s amazing.
I’ve almost finished my undergrad degree. Feels good.
I may have found somewhere to work next year, and the best part is its in the field I’d like to be in. Hopefully it leads to some good things.
I’m tired all the time but I keep committing to numerous jobs, work experience, appointments and dates with the boy. I’ve always been like that. I keep thinking looking forward to the day I slow down, but then I forget to appreciate the present. I must change my way of thinking.
Today at work (I worked in a department store) a lady bought 300 dollars worth of lingerie. It had to be over 300 dollars so she could claim it on tax. My first thoughts were that she must be a prostitute and that was her work uniform?
I went to the beach on the weekend and it was amazing. I couldn’t get out, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to go back tomorrow. But I’ll have to wait longer than that unfortunately.
I lost something of high sentimental value this week. Must find it. Must.
Frustration
Long distance relationships are harder than I thought. To think you could maintain what you had without physical contact or just the availability of having someone close is naive. Or maybe its just the way he and I are going about things. Perhaps if we were a better couple, we would be able to get through this. I don’t think I’m quite ready for this to end but I feel like im watching it just fade away. He’ll come home and there will be nothing left in me that wants him. I did so well for 9 months, and with 1 month to go, is this it? Is it all going to be over?
Candy
“Once upon a time, there was Candy and Dan. Things were very hot that year. All the wax was melting in the trees. He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy. Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair. Everything was gold. One night the bed caught fire. He was handsome and a very good criminal. We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars. It was the afternoon of extravagant delight. Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing. The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks. I want to try it your way this time. You came into my life really fast and I liked it. We squelched in the mud of our joy. I was wet-thighed with surrender. Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted. This is the business. This, is what we’re after. With you inside me comes the hatch of death. And perhaps I’ll simply never sleep again. The monster in the pool. We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans. Everywhere I looked. And sometimes I hate you. Friday — I didn’t mean that, mother of the blueness. Angel of the storm. Remember me in my opaqueness. You pointed at the sky, that one called Sirius or dog star, but on here on earth. Fly away sun. Ha ha *beep* ha you are so funny Dan. A vase of flowers by the bed. My bare blue knees at dawn. These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too. I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning. I gave him a name. His name was thomas. Poor little god. His heart pounds like a voodoo drum.”
